Mar 2, 2012
Actually, I've been sorta depressed. (more than usual) I recently realized that during this past year or so, I've lost ALL of my friends! Some that have been around for 20 years, and some I only knew a few years....either way, they're all gone!
I HAVE NO FRIENDS!!!!!! :-(
I'm very shy, and socially awkward. But once you get to know me, and I get to know you, I'm totally normal. And I'm a heck of a lot of fun, too! I'm a great "sit home and drink and laugh on the patio" friend, or a "go shopping for nothing in particular, and giggle and act like weirdos all through the store" friend. I'm a good listener (as most of my friends were always the talk talk talk type...I did a LOT of listening in my life!) and I don't play games.
I'm a normal person (besides being pretty darn ugly with really crappy teeth (but that's another post!))
and I'm a fun friend.
Yet...I'm now 40, and I'm friendless.
My 40th birthday came and went. My family sang to me, but that was it. No big deal.
See, my one friend I've known for 20 years, got in a little stupid tiff with my sister, and then she just never called me again. That was over a year ago. (yes, I called her but she never called back.)
My other friend became a total bar fly, dating whatever OLD man comes her way. Her daughter is the same age as mine (9) and she's been RAISED at the private hick club. It's sad, really. She just never wants to leave this club. So she's out.
My other friend started following Celtic bands around, and collected other groupy friends along the way, so gradually, she just sorta lost interest in me. I don't know how she used to do it, with FIVE boys at home. But she did. And now, she JUST moved to Georgia for a better job. So SHE'S out.
Those three were all friends I've had since I was 18.
Another friend I had a great time hanging out with on boring lazy Saturdays, after drinking and getting giggly on Fridays, was my neighbor. And then.....she got divorced. Which was fine. But as soon as she found a steady boyfriend, she got wrapped up in him, and that was a year ago....she's still secluded with him. And she moved, too.
And the last one...my other neighbor...SHE cheated on her husband and they got divorced and moved away.
I also have another friend, one that I've known since she was born. She's only an hour and a half away, but she's my age, and she married a guy who's 10 years younger, he's a big weird DORK, and he's rubbed off on her personality so much, she's not the same person she used to be. Little flashes of her old self sometimes come out on Facebook, but that's it. It's sad, cause we used to crack up till we couldn't breathe.
So SHE'S also out.
And there you have it.
If it weren't for my sister, I'd have no one. (I'm married, and have 2 kids, but you know what I mean. I have no FRIENDS outside my family. There's a difference!)
If I wasn't so damn shy and awkward, I could probably easily make friends. But...with no one to go anywhere with, I don't GO anywhere, to meet anyone! I sit at home, and watch all the other people on Facebook talk about their lunches and shopping out with friends during the day, or their play dates with friends and their kids. Or their awesome night at the bar (complete with silly pics) and their "friend" quote pics they put up......
And here I am.
I now have NO ONE to sit with, curlers in our gray hair, dentures on the table, medicine dispensers on the windowsill, and talk about the good old times. Talk about "remember that time when....."
All those memories are just that. Memories. And the less I talk about them, the less I remember them.
I'm pretty sad. :(
I HAVE NO FRIENDS!!!!!! :-(
I'm very shy, and socially awkward. But once you get to know me, and I get to know you, I'm totally normal. And I'm a heck of a lot of fun, too! I'm a great "sit home and drink and laugh on the patio" friend, or a "go shopping for nothing in particular, and giggle and act like weirdos all through the store" friend. I'm a good listener (as most of my friends were always the talk talk talk type...I did a LOT of listening in my life!) and I don't play games.
I'm a normal person (besides being pretty darn ugly with really crappy teeth (but that's another post!))
and I'm a fun friend.
Yet...I'm now 40, and I'm friendless.
My 40th birthday came and went. My family sang to me, but that was it. No big deal.
See, my one friend I've known for 20 years, got in a little stupid tiff with my sister, and then she just never called me again. That was over a year ago. (yes, I called her but she never called back.)
My other friend became a total bar fly, dating whatever OLD man comes her way. Her daughter is the same age as mine (9) and she's been RAISED at the private hick club. It's sad, really. She just never wants to leave this club. So she's out.
My other friend started following Celtic bands around, and collected other groupy friends along the way, so gradually, she just sorta lost interest in me. I don't know how she used to do it, with FIVE boys at home. But she did. And now, she JUST moved to Georgia for a better job. So SHE'S out.
Those three were all friends I've had since I was 18.
Another friend I had a great time hanging out with on boring lazy Saturdays, after drinking and getting giggly on Fridays, was my neighbor. And then.....she got divorced. Which was fine. But as soon as she found a steady boyfriend, she got wrapped up in him, and that was a year ago....she's still secluded with him. And she moved, too.
And the last one...my other neighbor...SHE cheated on her husband and they got divorced and moved away.
I also have another friend, one that I've known since she was born. She's only an hour and a half away, but she's my age, and she married a guy who's 10 years younger, he's a big weird DORK, and he's rubbed off on her personality so much, she's not the same person she used to be. Little flashes of her old self sometimes come out on Facebook, but that's it. It's sad, cause we used to crack up till we couldn't breathe.
So SHE'S also out.
And there you have it.
If it weren't for my sister, I'd have no one. (I'm married, and have 2 kids, but you know what I mean. I have no FRIENDS outside my family. There's a difference!)
If I wasn't so damn shy and awkward, I could probably easily make friends. But...with no one to go anywhere with, I don't GO anywhere, to meet anyone! I sit at home, and watch all the other people on Facebook talk about their lunches and shopping out with friends during the day, or their play dates with friends and their kids. Or their awesome night at the bar (complete with silly pics) and their "friend" quote pics they put up......
And here I am.
I now have NO ONE to sit with, curlers in our gray hair, dentures on the table, medicine dispensers on the windowsill, and talk about the good old times. Talk about "remember that time when....."
All those memories are just that. Memories. And the less I talk about them, the less I remember them.
I'm pretty sad. :(
Jan 20, 2012
Hello all,
This is my last chance. I've tried EVERYTHING else, and I'm 40 already, and I have NEVER had a real smile. It bothers me more and more every day. I just want to look in the mirror and see a nice, normal smile before I die.
When I was young, I was extremely scared of needles. I would cry, or vomit, or pass out.
So when the time came for me to get braces, the dentist told me (I was 14 or so, so imagine hearing this, as a young girl.) "she would need a surgery to break her jaw, cut it back, then have her mouth wired shut for 6 months, THEN she can get braces, which might take up to 4 years. Right now, her teeth are aligned like a monkey. Instead of curving in a nice "U" shape, the sides of the "U" are dented inwards. And her lower jaw sticks out like a baraccuda. If she doesn't get a surgery, it will keep growng outward till she's an adult, and after a while, her bottom lip won't have anything to support it, so it will end up hanging down."
I sat there in the chair, excited to have straight teeth like most of my friends, and THAT is what I heard. (the quote is not exact, but it's pretty darn close!)
My parents didn't have much money, and I don't even know if they had dental insurance. I know I didn't go to the doctors much, so they probably didn't have any insurance at all.
I look back now, and see that they really did NOT want to have to pay for this surgery, plus the braces. But, they were willing to do it, for me.
The problem was, the dentist lost me at "surgery".
All I could think of, was NEEDLES!!!!!
So, my parents kind of gave me a choice if I wanted to go through it or not.
And of course, me being young and naieve, I said heck NO!!!!
I look back at that moment every day...every time I look in the mirror...and I regret it more than anything.
That one choice, that one day, that one moment in my young life, has given me years and years and years of heartache, low self esteem, depression, and just general unhappiness.
How could I be so stupid???
I don't know.
Through the years, as an adult, I went to various dentists and orthodontists, just waiting for ONE of them to say I could just get braces, and be pretty.
But none of them ever did. And gradually also, my teeth turned yellow. I never smoked a cigarette in my life. Never had those powerful antibiotics that make your teeth yellow, that I know of. But my teeth are yellow. And I've always brushed them.
I've been told I MAYBE could get veneers, which excited me, until the dentist told me the price. Which, back in 2005, was over $10,000 for the top and bottom together. And that was just for the front teeth! The teeth on the sides, all have huge black fillings all over them, from root canals that were never crowned, because, let's face it...WHO can afford a crown? They're like $800 EACH!! So, (it's been 12 years since my first root canal) as I've been told many times, the uncrowned root canals WILL fail, eventually. And when they do, there's no way to save the tooth at that point. They will have to be pulled. (which sort of excites me also, because at that point, maybe I can just get them ALL pulled out, and have straight, white dentures! Yay!)
So recently, I saw an advertisement for "Snap On Smile".
I was ELATED!!!!
I called my sister, raving about it. It's only about $3000!!!! This is what I've needed!! This is gonna change my LIFE!!!! :)
So I went for a free consultation at the nearest dentist who does Snap On Smiles.
I could almost feel my pretty smile as I went in the door.
My husband sure didn't want to pay for this, but my sister, who knows how sad my teeth have made me all these years, (I've even overheard her say how bad she feels about how bad I've felt all my life, and how my life could've been soooo different, if I would've gotten the surgery,) volunteered to lend me the money for the Snap On Smile. I could pay her back $10 a month if that's all I could do.
But of course, instead of the dentist peeking at my teeth, gasping, and telling me to set up my appointment to get a mold of my teeth to get the Snap Ons started.....she told me any dentist that would do the Snap Ons for you, isn't a good dentist. You need more work than that.
Your teeth are probably taking YEARS off of your life. You have a very long face, and your chin is very narrow, thus, pushing your teeth in...you probably have sleep apnea and don't even know it, and that can kill you....blah blah blah......
I suddenly felt a nauseous wave of dizziness come over me. I couldn't even hear the rest of what she was saying. All I wanted was some fake, plastic teeth to slip on every day before I went anywhere. I couldn't even have THAT??
But she took close up and far away pictures of my teeth at all possible angles, with me "smiling", my mouth closed, the side, my sticky outie jaw, etc....
And then, when the assistant put the stretcher thingies in my mouth, to pull my lips away from my teeth to get a full picture....that's when the tears came. I felt sooo violated! Even though I wasn't being violated!
Just knowing that woman was zooming in on my "Alien teeth" (I've named them that, as they remind me of the monster that comes out of Sigourney Weaver's stomach, in Alien.) was more than I could take. Especially after being denied my FINAL CHANCE at a normal smile.
A smile that I could take out, whenever I wanted, but a smile that I could go to the grocery store with. Or the hair dresser. Or my children's school functions and meetings. This was truly, my last ever chance.
So after that humiliation, the dentist told me that at LEAST, go see this OTHER dentist, and see what he thinks.
Of course, like the story always goes, he said I needed LOTS of work. But if I wanted, for $500, I could get a full xray, and a mold, and they'd see if I could JUST get a device to widen my mouth. Then after that, I could pull or put this one "snaggle tooth" that lingers behind all my other ones, in place, THEN, I could think about a Snap On Smile, or whatever. Because I told him that at this point, I do NOT want the surgery, even if I had the money.
I just wanna have a few years with a white, straight smile.
Little tiny mouth with my lower jaw protruding and all. Just white and straight. That's all I ask for at this point.
So again, I left THAT dentist in tears. (this time, I waited until I got in my car.)
And so it looks like I've tried every possibility, and it just wasn't meant to be for me.
I'll be ugly till the day I die.
So, I'm hoping that someday, somehow, I'll be able to have that $500, and get that mold and panaramic xray, and see what the dentist says after that.
And if he says that I COULD get a mouth widening thingie (lol) do something with that one tooth, and then get the Snap On Smile....or better yet, veneers.....that I have the money to do it.
But I know, it will never happen.
I'll have to go on sticking a piece of paper under my lips that I've drawn and cut out the shape of straight white teeth onto. Yes. I've done that. Many times. It doesn't work too well, but if I stand far away from the mirror, it almost looks like I have ok teeth. (I can't believe I told about that! I've never told anyone I do that!! It's really pathetic!) But the paper teeth don't last very long, because my saliva turns the paper clear, and rips and tears and sticks to my mouth. Yuck.
And that is my story.
Thanks for listening.
It's a shallow one, I know. But to me...it's everything.
This is my last chance. I've tried EVERYTHING else, and I'm 40 already, and I have NEVER had a real smile. It bothers me more and more every day. I just want to look in the mirror and see a nice, normal smile before I die.
When I was young, I was extremely scared of needles. I would cry, or vomit, or pass out.
So when the time came for me to get braces, the dentist told me (I was 14 or so, so imagine hearing this, as a young girl.) "she would need a surgery to break her jaw, cut it back, then have her mouth wired shut for 6 months, THEN she can get braces, which might take up to 4 years. Right now, her teeth are aligned like a monkey. Instead of curving in a nice "U" shape, the sides of the "U" are dented inwards. And her lower jaw sticks out like a baraccuda. If she doesn't get a surgery, it will keep growng outward till she's an adult, and after a while, her bottom lip won't have anything to support it, so it will end up hanging down."
I sat there in the chair, excited to have straight teeth like most of my friends, and THAT is what I heard. (the quote is not exact, but it's pretty darn close!)
My parents didn't have much money, and I don't even know if they had dental insurance. I know I didn't go to the doctors much, so they probably didn't have any insurance at all.
I look back now, and see that they really did NOT want to have to pay for this surgery, plus the braces. But, they were willing to do it, for me.
The problem was, the dentist lost me at "surgery".
All I could think of, was NEEDLES!!!!!
So, my parents kind of gave me a choice if I wanted to go through it or not.
And of course, me being young and naieve, I said heck NO!!!!
I look back at that moment every day...every time I look in the mirror...and I regret it more than anything.
That one choice, that one day, that one moment in my young life, has given me years and years and years of heartache, low self esteem, depression, and just general unhappiness.
How could I be so stupid???
I don't know.
Through the years, as an adult, I went to various dentists and orthodontists, just waiting for ONE of them to say I could just get braces, and be pretty.
But none of them ever did. And gradually also, my teeth turned yellow. I never smoked a cigarette in my life. Never had those powerful antibiotics that make your teeth yellow, that I know of. But my teeth are yellow. And I've always brushed them.
I've been told I MAYBE could get veneers, which excited me, until the dentist told me the price. Which, back in 2005, was over $10,000 for the top and bottom together. And that was just for the front teeth! The teeth on the sides, all have huge black fillings all over them, from root canals that were never crowned, because, let's face it...WHO can afford a crown? They're like $800 EACH!! So, (it's been 12 years since my first root canal) as I've been told many times, the uncrowned root canals WILL fail, eventually. And when they do, there's no way to save the tooth at that point. They will have to be pulled. (which sort of excites me also, because at that point, maybe I can just get them ALL pulled out, and have straight, white dentures! Yay!)
So recently, I saw an advertisement for "Snap On Smile".
I was ELATED!!!!
I called my sister, raving about it. It's only about $3000!!!! This is what I've needed!! This is gonna change my LIFE!!!! :)
So I went for a free consultation at the nearest dentist who does Snap On Smiles.
I could almost feel my pretty smile as I went in the door.
My husband sure didn't want to pay for this, but my sister, who knows how sad my teeth have made me all these years, (I've even overheard her say how bad she feels about how bad I've felt all my life, and how my life could've been soooo different, if I would've gotten the surgery,) volunteered to lend me the money for the Snap On Smile. I could pay her back $10 a month if that's all I could do.
But of course, instead of the dentist peeking at my teeth, gasping, and telling me to set up my appointment to get a mold of my teeth to get the Snap Ons started.....she told me any dentist that would do the Snap Ons for you, isn't a good dentist. You need more work than that.
Your teeth are probably taking YEARS off of your life. You have a very long face, and your chin is very narrow, thus, pushing your teeth in...you probably have sleep apnea and don't even know it, and that can kill you....blah blah blah......
I suddenly felt a nauseous wave of dizziness come over me. I couldn't even hear the rest of what she was saying. All I wanted was some fake, plastic teeth to slip on every day before I went anywhere. I couldn't even have THAT??
But she took close up and far away pictures of my teeth at all possible angles, with me "smiling", my mouth closed, the side, my sticky outie jaw, etc....
And then, when the assistant put the stretcher thingies in my mouth, to pull my lips away from my teeth to get a full picture....that's when the tears came. I felt sooo violated! Even though I wasn't being violated!
Just knowing that woman was zooming in on my "Alien teeth" (I've named them that, as they remind me of the monster that comes out of Sigourney Weaver's stomach, in Alien.) was more than I could take. Especially after being denied my FINAL CHANCE at a normal smile.
A smile that I could take out, whenever I wanted, but a smile that I could go to the grocery store with. Or the hair dresser. Or my children's school functions and meetings. This was truly, my last ever chance.
So after that humiliation, the dentist told me that at LEAST, go see this OTHER dentist, and see what he thinks.
Of course, like the story always goes, he said I needed LOTS of work. But if I wanted, for $500, I could get a full xray, and a mold, and they'd see if I could JUST get a device to widen my mouth. Then after that, I could pull or put this one "snaggle tooth" that lingers behind all my other ones, in place, THEN, I could think about a Snap On Smile, or whatever. Because I told him that at this point, I do NOT want the surgery, even if I had the money.
I just wanna have a few years with a white, straight smile.
Little tiny mouth with my lower jaw protruding and all. Just white and straight. That's all I ask for at this point.
So again, I left THAT dentist in tears. (this time, I waited until I got in my car.)
And so it looks like I've tried every possibility, and it just wasn't meant to be for me.
I'll be ugly till the day I die.
So, I'm hoping that someday, somehow, I'll be able to have that $500, and get that mold and panaramic xray, and see what the dentist says after that.
And if he says that I COULD get a mouth widening thingie (lol) do something with that one tooth, and then get the Snap On Smile....or better yet, veneers.....that I have the money to do it.
But I know, it will never happen.
I'll have to go on sticking a piece of paper under my lips that I've drawn and cut out the shape of straight white teeth onto. Yes. I've done that. Many times. It doesn't work too well, but if I stand far away from the mirror, it almost looks like I have ok teeth. (I can't believe I told about that! I've never told anyone I do that!! It's really pathetic!) But the paper teeth don't last very long, because my saliva turns the paper clear, and rips and tears and sticks to my mouth. Yuck.
And that is my story.
Thanks for listening.
It's a shallow one, I know. But to me...it's everything.
